


I'm a real country B*****s

by Alazatours



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:21:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alazatours/pseuds/Alazatours
Summary: Crackfic. It was 3 AM
Kudos: 1





	I'm a real country B*****s

It was three in the fucking morning and Peter sprung up at the sound of a seagull hitting his window again. His eyes pierced open as he heard a hoarse squawk upon impact. He propped himself up on his elbows and sat against his bed frame while rubbing his eyes not long afterwards. He stretched and kicked himself off the bed while vividly remembering the dream he was just having. 

He stood still and looked at his reflection in the mirror, where in which the signs of seagull impact still remained. He pinched both of his cheeks and hyped himself up, “I am a god damn country!”

“I AM A GOD DAMN COUNtRY,” he screamed while twirling viciously in circles. Upon twirling he accidentally smacked his face firmly into the wall. He looked in the mirror and flexed his muscles in order tO SHOW HIS DOMINANCE. HE KICkcEd A BUCKET TO THE WALL and gurgled, “We out going to show that jerkass, oldass, bitchass eyebrows man who the fuck the boss is around here BoYS.”

“Boys?” Beter looked around and realized that literally no goddamn person lived on this island aside from that one dude and his wife who were LITERALLY OUT OF THE COUNTRY. Peter was fuming, he had no crew. He had no employees, no sailers, no fucking friends, no balls. He ran to the topdeck and basked in the torrent of rain that was taking over.

Tears poked his eyes and he raised his fist to the air, “I am a COUNTRY.”

He was out to show them who’s boss. He IS a SELF-SUSTAINABLE COUNTRY. He ran towards the edge of sealand and just fucking dived in his pajamas in order to catch a fish with his barehands. After wrestling with Larry the Lobster and inhaling patrick he came back to shore and crawled back up to Sealand.

He bopped his head back and forth like a perfectly sane person while showing the fish to the thunderstorm. He smiled in glee, “I AM A FUCKING COUNTRY.”

He was getting overconfident and after like five pushups he went down into the mechanical parts of Sealand AND WENT FULL THROTTLE. Oh it’s stationary? It can’t move? Shut the fuck up, Peter doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. He’s a real man now.

So out of nowhere the whole ass country began MOVING. Yeah it’s kind of just dragging its ass against the seabed and Peter is fucking ecstatic.This whole thing was just creaking and falling apart while Peter just flailed his arms around mercilessly as leaks and dents started appearing in the walls. He ran back up to the upper deck and screeched in glory as sealand went mach ten speed towards the mainland. 

“I’m coming Arhtur, you twatty bongo!” He yelled. And Sealand just kept moving.

IN like ten minutes Arthur was chilling on the river thames only To SEE THIS MOTHERFUCKER PETER COME UP WITH HIS WHOLE ASS ISLAND. It was coming closer and he could easily see Peter just fortnight dancing on that fucking thing.

“Oh my fucking god,” he mumbled while spitting out his tea and running away in the opposite direction. Oh shit he could here the creaking and Peter was out here ready to reck his fucking country side. What the hell did Peter want?

“God save the Queen!” Arthur yelled as Peter reached the mainland. But out of nowhere Margaagret fucking Thatcher just flew in and started firing at Sealand. But Peter fought back and started demon chanting for the only person that could beat Margaret Thatcher. That’s when Obama came back through a portal, mf never gonna retire after 16.

So Obama starts just screeching at MT and she just fell into the sea. God Arthur was screwed. Peter than called up Alfred andn was like yeyo bitch I got your president only to hear Alfred fucking sobbing in the background. Peter hung up on him and stared straight at Obama. He told him, “Obama, YOU CAN SAY FUCK.”

“FUCK,” Obama replied and flew back to America via jetstream. 

Arthur was done for, Sealand was on the mainland and it was COMING STRAIGHT FOR LONDON. Peter came down from the decks and started walking to Arthur, “I am a fucking country you bitch.”

Arthur just screamed in terror as Peter came closer to him. That was until Elizabeth II came and just dead smacked Peter across the face, launching him through the Tower Bridge. Peter came back running like a horse and pointed straight into Elizabeth’s face. God she was still alive and Arthur was sobbing at her feet, “Thank you mum.”

She looked down at him and smirked, “I never fucking die.”

Peter looked in fear at the immortal lady who was the Queen of England. But regardless he still stepped over Arthur and break danced in front of him. “I’m a country you stupid bitch, your scones suck too LOser.”

Arthur cried as Peter continued to t-pose in front of him. That was until Boris Johnson just swam through London sewage in order to see the incident unfold right in front of him. Upon seeing Peter he just threw tea at him and said, “wouldya lieka cuppa i bet your gonna wana drink some afer all ye messing aorudn in the city eh? Oayichksjcbhvgegkavfwl”

Peter denied his offer and threw Boris Johnson while making fun of his sausage looking ass fingers, “No Brexit in thish house bithc”

Peter was accepting acceptable casualties. ARthurt was still sobbing has ass of and peter diagnosed him with DUMB BITCH SYNDROME. Yo what country was next for him to conquer. Probably Iceland because why the fuck not. Peter just had to be careful of Margaret Thatcher the Milk Snatcher and Dora the Explorer. 

After that he just conquered the entirety of Europe with help from Obama and Janette . Idfk who Jannete is.

Sealand gaining independence xxxx colorised w/ multiple sources


End file.
